Monday, December 8, 2008

Spirit of Hope

First off let me say that I am still alive and well. Things the past few weeks have just been really busy with school, work, finals and the holiday's that I've had a hard time finding the time to sit and write anything. But this is something I had to get out by tonight. Its a subject that both W and I care a lot about.

There are certain events in a person’s life that change them in some way for the rest of their life. For me this was the birth of my son. My pregnancy was uncomplicated for the most part. Butters measured a little big the entire time but nothing to be alarmed at. I worked out constantly and to W’s dismay still climbed on top of Chinooks and Blackhawk’s until I was about 6 months pregnant. So when I went into labor on my own about a month early I wasn’t worried. We had a plan and I figured I would be like most and have him, spend a couple of days in the hospital then head home with my new little guy.

Well things didn’t go according to plan. Butters was born after a very long labor and quickly whisked away to the NICU after I saw him for a very short time. Luckily W was allowed to carry him there. After this both of us were introduced to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or NICU. This was an area that both of us never thought we would ever see. But we did. We found out a couple of days later that he had what they termed “failure to thrive”. In this case it meant that his lungs just weren’t completely ready and he was breathing a little harder than they would like to see. Luckily it wasn’t an infection (like they initially thought) or anything really bad but something he just needed a little help with for until he could adjust. For a week W and I lived 4 hours at a time. We were there for all of his care times during the day and spent as much time as we could with him. We bathed him, got peed on and met many wonderful nurses and doctors in the unit. After only a week they were like an extended family. They were so happy in the day or so before getting to leave making sure that all the appropriate tests were done (car seat check ect.) and forms filled out. The day he was discharged we didn’t even know it until one of the neonatologist asked across the room where he was. He then asked if we were ready to take him home. We were thrilled yet unprepared. W hadn’t even installed the car seat base yet! So while he ran down to do that I stayed with Butters helping get him ready to go home. The nurses were wonderful. We went through the paperwork not as a chore but as friends wishing us well and trying to help with a checklist to make sure everything was taken care of. So we put him in his seat and one of the nurses wheeled him down with us. We were so excited! Once we got home we finally took off the hospital bracelets we had been wearing ever since his birth and put them away in a small memory box. We finally had our boy home after his rocky start and we couldn’t have been happier.

This memory in itself to this day scares me to death of having another one. I’m not scared of the pregnancy itself because for the most part I didn’t have any problems. I’m scared of the ending. While things worked out after the week in the NICU I’m just scared that it will all happen again. I don’t want to ever have my child taken from me minutes after birth to a place where I can’t be with him. I know that in ways my fear is completely irrational; but it’s just me. I know that I did everything right and what happened isn’t my fault but I still blame myself. I still somewhere inside feel like I could have done something to keep Butters, W and your sister from having to go through all of the worry and mess that came with it all.

So I sit here trying not to cry. I get all upset when I even think about it all. I say all this now because tomorrow night is the tree lighting at the hospital. Every year Butter’s gets an ornament where the proceeds go to the Melissa George Neonatal Foundation that helps to donate equipment to the NICU so that other babies get the care they need with out having to be transferred to elsewhere. We do this not only to benefit the others that will need care in the future but to show Butters how far he’s come and how important it is to give back even if it’s in a very small way.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

baby wearing contest I found out about

I just saw this contest and entered it. Yes I am a tool once again but from everything I've heard they are amazing. So I am entering it just because of the great things I've heard.

Win a Free Organic Embroidered Ergo Baby Carrier Hands Free System from Along for the Ride

Friday, November 14, 2008

Graceful I am not

Anyone that remembers me from back in the day knows that I was voted most accident prone my senior year despite doing Ninpo Taijutsu for about 5 years. It was always the most odd thing. I would be incredibly graceful during classes at night yet I could trip over my own feet while just walking.

Well 2 nights ago this all came back.

We had our normal hockey practice on Wednesday night. It was a little tougher than normal since I was with the advanced group and the coaches were really pushing us hard. So after practice we were all wiped and ready to get cleaned off before heading to our local Applebees to grab a quick bite. After taking off all the big equipment I ran to the showers to turn them on early so they would be hot when we were ready. Well in my haste I neglected to see that there were a pair of skates in the way and proceded to hit toe next to the pinkie toe on the left foot pretty hard. At the time I thought nothing of it but by the time I got to the car I was in much more pain and decided to head home.

Upon arriving home W took one look and confirmed what I thought. I broke my toe. Yeah I feel stupid. So now I have a really sore toe, limping all over the place, and somehow need to be able to skate by tomorrow afternoon so that I can get on the ice for Skate with the Chargers with Butter and the oldest niece and nephew.

On top of all this I also fell in the shower Monday morning and have a large bruise on my shin to show for it and on Wednesday I ran into a chair at work and broke my badge. Yeah its been one of those weeks. Here's hoping I don't kill myself on the ice tomorrow!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

6 Things

So while reading my husband's blog last week and he was tagged and did one of those "the six things you didn't know about me". So being the tool I am I decided to follow since I haven't managed to get my other posting done that I was going to put up.

1.I did Ninpo Taijutsu for 5 years.
Yes for 5 years of my teenage life I spent anywhere between 4 and 5 nights a week in the dojo. I got started partially because a guy I was dating at the time was about to go back and partially because i was bored playing softball. I got in the door and was hooked. I started in the kids class and the first week was pretty banged up due to my first experience in shinai (bamboo swords) fighting but I loved it. I started out slow but quickly progressed. During the time in the dojo I gained a lot of self confidence and the feeling that I could actually defend myself if needed. For a short time we even had a demo team and did demonstrations in the area of self defense techniques. It was so much fun and there are many times I do miss it a lot.

2. During my undergrad degree my grades sucked.
Yeah I was the typical person that barely studies in high school, managed to get good grades. I studied a little but didn't have good study habits by the time I moved to Huntsville. It really showed when I hit calculus and my harder mechanical and aerospace engineering classes. I finally figured it out around the beginning of my last year but by that time the GPA damage was done. Now that I am working on my master's I know what to do to study and what not to do. I actually have and have maintained a 3.0 GPA for 3 years now!

3. I can't cook except from a box.
Yes unlike my wonderful husband W over at I do not cook! My version of cooking is getting a frozen pizza or making some box mix. I honestly just don't have the patience to really learn. I do like to cook when I have the house to myself and a pretty detailed recipe, but other than that I would just prefer to do heat and eat stuff from the freezer. W loves it when I do try and cook one thing in particular; hash brown casserole.

4. I play hockey but do not play golf. Unless you count putt-putt. the game has never really appealed to me. I keep getting told that I need to start playing but have never had the interest. Maybe one day I'll get a bug and go learn to play. Hey maybe it will help be able to actually shoot the puck! I have never thought that hitting a little white ball then going to get it just to hit it again ever appealed to me. Putt putt was always just more fun.

5. I do have my exhibitionist tendencies.
Like my favorite mommy blogger “The Redneck Mommy” at times I do have my wild tendencies. W can attest to what happens when I have one or two drinks. Also as much as I loath my weight and body image there are times I don't mind it. When I was sitting in a hot tub in San Diego with 5 guys (one Canadian Air force pilot who of course played hockey) and two other women and while I didn't look the best in my bikini (reference the one W showed on his post a few weeks ago) at the same time I didn’t look horrible. For having the 25 lbs weight fluctuations before I got pregnant then the 30lbs I gained when I was pregnant it wasn’t too bad. So basically give me a couple of drinks and if the mood is right I’m damn near up for anything.

6. I have a irrational fear of dentist.
As a kid I have very bad memories of every single trip to the dentist. I remember very well having fillings done and not being numb correctly and it hurt pretty bad. When I would say something about it the dentist just said not to worry about it. So for years I just sucked up the pain and dealt with it. When I moved out of the house I slowly stopped going. Then after a botched root canal I didn’t go again for many years. Earlier this year I consulted a dentist and they quoted me something I just couldn’t afford. So after a filling falling out of a chipped tooth I finally found a dentist close to my place that I like. The bad thing is that due to the severity of it she recommended the tooth be removed and I have an implant put in its place. So next week I start the long process of getting my teeth finally fixed after many years.

So that’s about it for now. Right now W, Butters and I are gearing up for the home opener of UAH hockey vs UT. We are so glad that UAH hockey is about to kick off here. Its been far too long or so it seems!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Date Night

As most people know date night takes on a whole new meaning when kids get introduced into the equation. W and I are lucky some times just to go out by ourselves once every few months.

Now to me date night has a new meaning as well. Now about once a month Butters and I have a “date” night of sorts. This normally doesn’t involve too much and isn’t expensive. Luckily a local mom and baby store in town A Nurturing Moment does monthly meet ups for all members of the family. Since W doesn’t really like to go to these things it’s a perfect time for just Butters and I to just go and do fun stuff. These meetings are either on Saturday mornings or Thursday evenings. Thursday nights are at 6pm and this is perfect for us. Generally I get home around 3 and change clothes then pack up the car and Butters and I go to a large play ground for about an hour or so. Then it’s off to grab dinner. Lately Chik-Fil-A is the place of choice due to not being too expensive but also not horrible health wise either. After a dinner of chicken nuggets, fruit and milk we head over to the store. Normally there are other little ones there as well so while I get to talk to other moms Butters gets to see other little people and play with the toys in the area. This goes on for about an hour then its time to go home. Since his bed time is normally around 7pm he is pretty tired and getting cranky after a very full afternoon. The Saturday meetings are similar but instead of Chick-Fil-A we go to a local bagel place and have mommy/son breakfast then head to the meeting and the park.

As much as I love date nights with W just watching hockey or the occasional movie, the nights with Butters are just as good in ways I never expected.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


You know you have a problem with being a hockey addict when you get up early to go watch a 7am start time practice of your collegiate hockey team. Yeah that's how we started our day. Butters went absolutely nuts and could barely contain himself! So yeah its begun and we couldn't be happier. Only a few more weeks until the home opener at the VBC vs TN!

Friday, September 26, 2008

My furball Hornet

Many of my old friends from AC may remember Hornet the kitten that followed me in. He was a very sweet and loving cat but needed a ton of attention. So after much debate I found him a good home. He's left us tonight to go to a new home out in the country to play with other cats and have plenty of outside time. I love him dearly and had to do what's best for him. I'll always miss him and he'll always be my baby fur ball. Oh and looks like Sgt. Major never got his tail!!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Rooptober Weekend recap

So its taken me a couple of days to recover and gather my thoughts concerning this weekend’s hockey tournament.

First off the drive to Columbus took about 8 hours as predicted. Not too bad and plenty of scenery to look at as we passed through the mountains and onto the plains. Overall the drive was long but wasn’t too bad. The only place we ran into traffic was merging onto I71 North.

We got to our hotel around 8:30 that night, went to grab something to eat then turned in for the night. The next day was going to be rough and we all knew it.

The morning of the tournament brought eating a good breakfast with the team then heading over to the rink to watch the first game. The teams were competitive but we thought we would be ok. Time to gear up for the first game came quickly and as we got ready we listened to very up beat music on a small stereo our coach had just bought. This got us all very excited and soon we hit the ice for the first of 3 games. The warm up was good but as the first period started you could tell there were a lot of nerves. As the game went on things got better and we ended up winning 4-0. This was a huge confidence booster going into the gladiator tournament and game against the Columbus bandits.

The gladiator was an event in itself. It was comprised of 4 events and we thought we had an ok shot at it but were surprised at how well everyone did. We easily won the speed round and accuracy and ended up winning the entire event.

Next was our game against the Columbus Bandits. This was the same team we played in the Nashville tournament and we were all excited to see how we would fare. Let me also say that I have a lot of respect for this team. Not only did they organize the entire Rooptober event but when we played them in Nashville they were very nice. They helped us even during the game and did not try and run the score up which was nice of them. So anyway we played them in a very hard fought battle and ended up winning 5-2. They were shocked and we got many comments afterwards saying that they were amazed at how much we had all improved.

After the game we headed over to Champs for dinner with all the teams then headed back to the hotel. We were only going to get a few hours of sleep before it was time to get up and get back to the rink for an 8:50 game time. Upon arriving to the arena we had a huge surprise. We found out at that point we won the gladiator competition and were going to the championship game even if we lost the last game.

Sunday’s games proved to be the hardest. We were drained from the day before and still had 2 games to play. First we had to play the Dayton fangs then in the championship game. The game against Dayton was tough and we pulled out a 4-3 win. Then with only a 30 minute break it was time for the game against BOB. We fought with all we had but in the end came up short and lost 4-1.
Overall the weekend was not a loss. I am extremely proud of how our team faired in the games. One of the biggest thrills for me was to see how far we have come in only 4 months. The women I skate with are great and I am so happy to be able to play on a hockey team with them.

Oh and before I forget; UAH vs TN rivalry will be renewed on October 24th. Everyone come out and support the Chargers and they kick off their season opener vs the University of Tennessee club hockey team. Then Saturday night Tennessee takes on Alabama in a club hockey match up in the VBC. Both should be very good high intensity games and I am looking forward to it all!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Columbus update

So a quick recap of today. We won the first game 4-0 then the second 5-2 against a team we played in the Nashville tourney. Now all we need to do is win tomorrow mornings game and we make it to the championship game! We did really well today and a lot of the beginners stepped up. I need to get some rest but I just had to post about such a great day because we didn't expect it at all!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

San Diego trip

So I just concluded another week long trip. This time to San Diego California. The training course as a whole was really good but there were a few things that I would definitely change.

The first thing that I whole heartedly advise is don't fly to an airframe structures design and analysis class. I found myself getting on the plane to come back and looking at the wings and fuselage in a different way. Granted ever since completeing my undergraduate classes in aerospace engineering flying wasn't exactly the fun thing it used to be but after this class I became even more aware of the underlying structure in the wings, fuselage and tail sections. It also didn't help that on Friday we watched a short video of a MD80 ( the same plane I was flying out of SAN the next day) falling apart on landing. The pilot miscalculated the maximum descent rate and was coming in about 80knts too fast and when he landed the gear completely disintegrated under him and the tail literally fell off. Granted this is one of those landings where you think ouch because you know the pilot realized it as soon as it happened but still didn't make me feel any better.

The class as a whole was very informative. The problem was it focused solely on fixed wing aircraft and never ventured in to the world of rotor-wing. The nice thing about it though was there were about 10 people in their early to late 20's that I was able to go and do stuff with outside of the class. The problem became once again that I was the only woman in the class. And flight especially still being a good old boys club made it hard to fit in at times. Most of the guys at first look seemed to think that there was no way I knew about any of this kind of thing. On the first day we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves including where we worked and back ground. Well most everyone's jaw dropped when I said that I did airframe design and analysis and was getting a master's in rotorcraft systems. later in the week I didn't have very many questions but I was able to add some input into how Army aviation handles things such as anaysis and repair of basic structures.

Another thing is what is so surprising about me playing hockey. I got almost as many stares about that as I did my major. Tuesday night a local ice rink had a 16 and up adult skate so I brought my skates and planned to go. On the way out of the hotel I got stopped by at least 4 people regarding why I had skates. I even ran into a couple of guys Friday night when I was headed up to my room after grabbing my skates from the trunk of my car. The looks were just of amazement and I just can't help but laugh at it all.

the hotel arrangements were just annoying and I left a long complaint card in my room about all the issues I had. First off they charged you $10 a day for internet. The problem was it never would work in my room. So if I wanted to access the internet I paid for I had to go downstairs to the lobby. The other problem was one of the people in the gift shop. I went in there one day twice during the training to get a drink each time and with company policy paid with a credit card. The second time I was there she asked me why I refused to pay with cash. Well it was really none of her damn buisness so i ended up filing a complaint with the front desk. It was just ridiculous that why i paid with a credit card was any of her concern.

I did get to do a couple of things that were fun though.
1.Go to in and out burger for the first time. W was right that place was the shiznit.
2.Skate in a different rink. Of course I now know to bring shin guards after bruising both my knees really well. a game of beach soccer with the guys and then going for drinks afterwards
4.meeting another woman that plays hockey and works for the same parent company.

But in the end its best to just get back home. I've missed my boys and am now not looking forward to the hockey tournament next weekend. I've been gone long enough. I'm ready to be home for a few months before I travel again! Now onto playing catchup with homework and spending time with the family.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I’m off again.

This time I’m in San Diego CA. So far I’m not impressed but the scenery flying in was nice. This time I also got a nicer rental car (2008 mustang) and the hotel is nice.

So anyway I’m here for airframe structures training. The guy that came with me has no clue what he is getting into. The class starts out with statics, dynamics and applied mechanics of materials. The guy here with me has never seen this stuff so I’m completely expecting his head to explode.

Ok I’m off to bed. Its been a really long day and its going to be a really long week. I’ll post more later this week.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

John Hagee on SAHD's

"For others its laziness, you're too lazy to work and support your children. I'm talking about men. You call yourself Mr. Mom, God calls you a bum. St. Paul says you are worse than an infidel. Let me look you right in the eye and tell you that Hell is your future home if all you do is sit on your backside and let your wife support you in your life." John Hagee

I came home one night and W showed me the Youtube video of Jon Hagee and his speech about his thoughts on men being the care givers to their children rather than the women. He automatically assumes that these men are all lazy because they stay home. This is so far from the truth that it really irritated me. Granted W and most other SAHDs have endured the looks and snide comments but this just takes things to a whole new level. I know W is NOT lazy. I swear Butters keeps me on my toes all weekend so I can only imagine what he goes through in a given week.

The last comment about letting your wife support you is also just wrong. I guess Mr. Hagee never imagined that a woman would suggest such thing to her husband like I did to W so long ago. I guess Mr. Hagee thinks that either both parents should work and the kids be in day care or just the husband. Granted our case was an easy decision. I make much more than W working full time so it only made sense that I work outside of the home while he stays and takes care of Butters during the day.

Then again according to his logic because I work, go to graduate school and play hockey I guess I'm also a bad mother. Wow I can't help but laugh at all that nonsense!

I realize that this is all a rant and I'm ok with that. I just had to make my opinion known of how much I disagree with this man regarding my family structure and what works for us.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


Oh these are the days where I miss being an undergraduate. Yes you read that right I miss being an undergraduate sometimes. Mainly I miss it because as an undergrad you aren’t held to the incredibly high expectations as in grad school. I got my grades back today and I have a C in DOE and an A in reliability. Granted this sucks because I might have to re-take DOE but I still have a 3.0 average.

Ah well, the joys of grad school. Hey at least my company is paying for it. I just ordered books and the total was just shy of $300.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


So I apologize for not updating from the past post but things have been moving at such a fast pace that its been hard for me to even keep up.

The eating thing is getting better. I’ve found that even if I eat late, I need something after hockey. The last few weeks I’ve been going to Applebee’s with the other women and just getting a fruit smoothie helps so much. Granted I am still dog tired the next day but that’s to be expected. Also luckily the guys at work have stopped being so critical of when I eat and what I eat. I just try and eat when I’m hungry and not over eat. Other than that I’ve stopped really watching what I eat so much because I tend to be overly critical.

But of course the guys stop one thing to start another. The last few weeks I started getting a lot of crap because of school. I take my 3 hours that I am allotted every week and these guys don’t see it as bettering myself, but as me just not being here. One person I talked to about this made a good point. First off I have to consider the source and secondly “Remember that you're a threat to them: young, inexpensive, and female. You're showing ambition. Chances are that these guys don't see upward mobility for themselves and do for you and are, sadly, threatened by that. So they're going to try to sabotage you because
you can have what they can't.” And this is completely true. These guys just want to drag me down with them and I can’t let that happen. Grade will be posted tomorrow so all I can do now is hope for the best. My DOE final was rough but that was to be expected. I know I studied for it as best I could and I think I did ok, but when I think I do ok on a test that’s never good. So basically I’m expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

So next semester I have another 2 classes lined up. This time is air breathing propulsion and systems engineering. Propulsion is going to be a tough class, but I don’t think systems will be too bad while systems should be easy but tedious.

On another note Butters is finally walking…. A little. He walks when we make him, but if he can get away with it, he crawls. I swear walking is just too over rated for him and he just doesn’t care. He can do it when he wants to and he’s proved that, but most of the time he just doesn’t care to.

I have yet another thing I need to do as well. I have been neglecting my teeth for quite a while after fears of the dentist. So right now I am working on a way to financially afford all the work that needs to be done as well as a dentist to do it all.

Ok I think that's about all for now. I am trying to take it easy the next couple of weeks with no school beign in session.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

weight isssues more in depth

I know I haven't posted since my trip to Detroit, but things have just been crazy. Lately there is something that is bugging me and I think this is the best place to talk about it.

The issue is my weight and body perception.

I'm going to start by going back to around 1998-1999 time frame. I was a senior in high school and was training in martial arts 5 to 6 days a week plus marching band and maintaing my GPA. Amidst all this activity I wasn't eating right and wasn't fat but chubby. I weighed in at around 150 lbs and wore a size 10. I was ashamed of how I looked and wore baggy clothes to cover it all up.

Fast forward to 2000-2001 time frame. I was working at Aviation challenge and space camp while going to school. When I had teams of kids I started finding it hard to eat the same cafeteria food that the kids did. So instead I started eating a diet of cereal, dried apples and granola bars. Needless to say I lost a lot of weight and got down to around 120lbs.

When I was pregnant with Alvin I got up to 160lbs which is my heaviest. Granted It was because of bieng full term pregnant, but the numbers still bothered me.

I've faced the weight battle for a while as you can tell. Right before I got pregnant I got a tattoo of a koi fish swimming upstream with lotus flowers around it. It symbolizes my struggle with this as well as other things and how I can get through anything as long as I just don't quit.

I talk about it all because it affects me to this day. When I look in the mirror all I see is the chubby kid. granted now I have a much better control over my diet but I still feel bad. I weigh in around 125 (give or take a couple of pounds) and wear around a size 5 of 6.

Some days I have trouble justifying my caloric intake. Take today for example. I got up around 3:30 this morning got to work around 4:10 then had my coffee with cream and sugar. This was the first calories I had since around 7:30pm the night before. Then around 7am I had my breakfast, a blueberry bagel with cream cheese. I tried to eat it slowly but I was so hungry that I was starting to get dizzy and nauseated. So after that around 9:30 I started getting hungry again and gave in to have a snack of baked potato chips. Then at lunch I had one serving of vegetable beef soup and another serving on baked potato chips and then 5 tootsie rolls. For dinner I had a piece of chicken and a small salad and split a half cup of chunky monkey ice cream with Alvin before I put him to bed at 7. This was all followed by 45 minutes of working out on the Wii fit.

All of what I ate today just made me feel huge. All I felt was that I was eating a ton and somehow needed to stop but when I ate it was because I was honestly hungry. I know that eating smaller meals more often is good for me but its hard some days. Its hard to have my boss tell me that all I do is eat and that I need to stop. Its hard to hear the guys I work with talk about shiny objects (hot women) and feel like that I am no where near that. I've been working out with the Wii Fit now 3 nights a week plus playing hockey 2 nights a week. I'm getting plenty of exercise and I know I need to fuel my muscles, but some days its hard to justify it all. Some days I do let my thoughts about being chubby get to me and I try and keep from eating to the point I get sick.

I'm saying this all because I have come to realize that I might need help. I'm starting to think that maybe things are getting to me again and I might want to talk to a professional dietitian or counselor. I really don't want HH2, HH5, and W to see me struggle with weight issues. Its not fair to me or them.

I'm posting all this because I need to talk about it. I need to get these things off my chest. I want for anyone who reads this to feel free to comment. Be as blunt as you like but I want people to understand who I am other than an engineer, mother, step-mother, wife and hockey player. I am real and vunerable. I've overcome so much and still have many things to accomplish.

Ok this has officially rambled on long enough. I'm going to end this now but if anyone who reads this has anything to say about this please feel free to post any and all comments.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Back on the road

So I just wanted to do a quick post before trying to get some rest. I left lovely 92degree weather in HSV today to fly to Novi MI by way of Detroit where the high is around 72. I’m up here for Catia V4 training for the next 3 days which I really need.

So far the trip has been ok. Luckily I got a GPS system in my rental car (a Chevy HHR) which has helped a lot. Of course though Murphy is following me in some ways.

1. When I got to the hotel I hooked the eee in and it would not work. Turns out after calling the tech support weenies they don’t know why it’s not playing well with Linux but it will work fine with my windows lap top.

2. This is a good and bad thing. When I got here they automatically upgraded me to a 2 room suite. This would be great if it wasn’t just me but the extra space just makes it lonelier even though I’m keeping busy.

3. After running over to the mall I consulted the GPS of where to get something for dinner. I saw Joe’s Crab Shack listed and decided to go there. Well 20 minutes later I get there and it’s not even open anymore. So instead I end up coming back to Famous Dave’s and having barbeque. Not all bad just frustrating.

4. My work laptop doesn’t support my DL classes so I can’t watch any of the video. I am going to be so behind when I get back!

On another note Alvin is officially weaned. He nursed for the last time last night before bed. I think we did the best at child led weaning that we possibly could have. He didn’t want to nurse anymore unless I got the boppy out. Other than that he was too busy going all over the place to care about nursing. We went for almost 14 straight months and made it through me having an oversupply issues and him not wanting to nurse for the first 3 months. I also pumped for a year straight at work at least once a day. I’m proud of how far he has come and amazed at the same time.

Ok I need to get some rest before tomorrow’s long day of training.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

burned out

I think I'm officially burned out with hockey. This past week after being up every day at 3am I was completely exhausted by the end and just frustrated with my performance. Then tonight things were good but I didn't feel confident in myself. So this next week I am heading to Novi Michigan for Catia V4 training. Its almost a blessing in disguise. I hate having to leave family for a while but at the same time it gives me a break from skating twice a week. So tomorrow I'm taking a vacataion day from work then leaving out early Tuesday morning. Hopefully all will go well and I'll also be able to keep up with all the school work I have to do as well.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Summer term

Its the first full week of classes and I'm already behind. I've got 2 reliability lectures to watch this weekend to catch up and one design of experiments class to watch and homework to turn in on Saturday. I am starting to feel like Minitab is my kryptonite since I can do everything in excel but can't seem to get it to work in the program I need it to.

I am having fun in SOL this summer. The first game was an eye opener but a lot of fun. It will really help me get better quicker. The only thing is I need to play winger some in the women's scrimages since it looks like I'll be playing that more in SOL this summer.

Ok back to watching lectures before dinner and hockey.

Monday, May 26, 2008

new health kick

So a couple of months ago W and I started a health kick of sorts. He started noticing all the foods we ate with high fructose corn syrup in them and decided that we didn't want Butters to have it. So we started going through Publix and Target searching out labels of foods that didn't have it in there. The first few times it was really hard. There are so many foods that you don't think about that have it in there. The first big thing was bread. Almost all prepackaged bread has it in there, while the Publix bakery or Target bakery bread does not have it in there. We also noticed that about 85% of cereals in the isle have it in there. So now we are slowly getting things out of the house that have it in there. Its taken some time but its been worth it. I've felt much better and can now taste it when I eat something that has a lot of it in it.

In other news adult clinic came to an end last week and I was defiantly sad. It was great to get coached by the UAH coaching staff and players as well as Jonathan Loundsbery from the Havoc. The coaches kept up going with skills and drills for all levels as well as some good scrimmaging at the end of the practice.I wanted to do it again but in all honestly I'll be too busy. With 6 graduate hours starting tomorrow and playing women's league on Thursday nights and then SOL on Sunday afternoons its going to be a busy summer.

Oh and one small milestone with Butters today. He went an entire day without a bottle and no fussing for it. Granted he nursed 4 times but other than that he only had a sippy cup which is a small step but I was very proud of him today.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

food issues

I've never made an effort to cover up my eating problems but this weekend for some reason they reared their ugly head.

Let me back track and first say that in the past I have had issues with my weight and body in general. I've gotten past it for the most part but some days it comes back. This past weekend was one of those times. Since Alvin isn't nursing as much I know that I'm not burning as many calories and I've started scrutinizing what I eat. So much so that I bring myself to tears agonizing over what I want and being hungry but not wanting to eat and have to deal with the consequences later. I weighed myself today for the first time in a few months and weighted in at 124lb and about 27% body fat. Granted this isn't bad but I'm still not happy. This is the main reason for a long time I didn't even look at a scale. But now I sit here with the boy and W both napping and wanting something to eat. My mind tells me no because I'm too big as it is and my body is telling me yes because I'm getting dizzy. So I end up eating about a cup of cheese pasta left over from dinner last night with Parmesan cheese and I feel bad. WTF I eat and get some of the dizziness to stop and now I'm back to feeling guilty for it. Granted since playing hockey W keeps telling me that my legs have gotten smaller and I look more lean but I don't feel it. All I see is the chubby kid I used to be. I have got to get over all this for the sake of my kids because I do not want them to see me having food and diet issues and then do it themselves.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Summer SOL

So who's with me to play summer open league hockey? Sure I've only been playing for 3 months, but what do I have to loose?

So who locally is with me?!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

another random comment

Just a quick comment from around the office last week.

DA1 “You know V your more of a man than most guys because most guys won't play hockey.”

It took me a minute to think about this but I had to laugh. DA1 is right most guys not to mention women would take on all I do and hockey. I just have to laugh at it all.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

school, hockey and weaning

So finals and the hockey tournament are over and now I can start to catch my breath. Even though I studied for my 601 final I still couldn’t pull off the grade I needed. So now I don’t really know what to do. Part of me just wants to give up. But par for the course I have resigned myself to keep going. I know I passed flight testing and if I don't get the grade I need in 601 I'll just have to retake it in the spring. As of right now grades aren't posted yet but I'm not looking forward to it. This summer I am taking reliability and design of experiments. Its going to be a rough 10 weeks but I’ve pulled off crazier things…like playing hockey!

Hockey is still going well. Dennis Williams the assistant coach of the UAH chargers finally made it to adult clinic Monday night and I had a blast. He was really patient and tailored the drills to challenge all of the levels. Also the hockey tournament in Nashville was great. I of course had a run in with Murphy and landed very hard on my tail bone the first game and stayed hurt all weekend but that of course didn’t stop me from playing although in hindsight it should have. A week later I am still hurting. This week's practice was a little slower than normal. Our coach tore her thigh muscle, another girl sprianed her ankle, one broken thumb and other small injurys. It was a good practice but you could definatly tell that the previous weekend had taken its tole. Oh well it just comes with the territory I guess. This week will be our first real game at the ice plex. If anyone is interested in seeing us play we will be at the Ice Plex in Huntsville at 2040.

So after 13 months of pumping at work and else ware I think we are about done with it, but I feel really guilty. This past week I started working on weaning off my middle of the day pumping session and it went pretty well. I’ve been trying to collect my thoughts on this for quite a while, but while W and I were at the tournament I got the sense that Butters really is starting to wean himself a little. W and I were gone this weekend and my MIL kept him but she still gave him milk that we had frozen. When we got back on Sunday he didn’t do his normal your home I want to nurse deal. Instead he was thrilled to see us but wanted to go and play. He has also started not wanting to nurse to sleep anymore. He’s not nursing at night anymore and hasn’t been since about 5 months. I just feel bad about not pumping during the day anymore. I guess it’s just the hormone changes but I just feel bad. I know its great that we made it a year, but I didn’t expect him to start wanting drop one so early. But in the end its for the best. He is still getting his bottle first thing in the morning and still nursing when ever I'm at home for as long as he wants. So in the end it seems to have all worked out for the best.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

hockey and criticism

For any women out there that may have considered playing hockey I have one thing to say, “Be a shoe” to quote W. Meaning just go a head and do it. These last few weeks playing hockey have been amazing. I play with a bunch of women who are mothers them selves with older kids. Monday night I started playing in a hockey clinic with women and men and it wasn’t bad at all. I wasn’t the worst out there and actually had a lot of fun playing against the guys. It’s true that playing against the guys that were much better made me really have to work harder to keep up. So last night I only got about 3.5 hours of sleep and I am completely exhausted but it was so much fun. After the class was over we even got to stay for about 20 extra minutes and play a pick up game. That was really tough but once again a lot of fun. Dennis Williams, assistant coach of the UAH Chargers was supposed to coach, but last night he wasn’t there and instead was replaced by Kevin Galerno a forward from UAH Chargers and Jonathan Lounsbury a defensemen from the Huntsville Havoc. I got to work with Kevin on puck handling and shooting and he really helped me start to get the hang of it a lot more.

So in other news the criticism has started about me nursing past a year. Granted I expected it, but its come from people I didn’t expect. So far when I get the comments about how long we are going to keep going I just say something along the lines of we are not in any rush to wean. That normally gives people the impression that we are about done and they back off, but the truth of it is that we really aren’t done. Right now the only time frame I have in my head is sometime before I finish my master’s degree. By that time he will be about 2.5 and I will probably be ready for a break before we possibly start trying for a second after I finish my degree. The odd thing is a year ago I don’t think I ever even considered the thought of nursing past a year. I guess I thought that I would just wean at a year or that he would self wean and we would just be done with it. A year later I don’t see how I could wean him right now.

After saying all of this once again I am reminded of something. I could not have taken all of this on without the unwavering support of W. He is the one that encouraged me to start the women’s league. He’s the one that has never given me any grief about extended nursing and has even gone as far as to defend it to his family without me having to say a word. If it wasn’t for him and his support of my insane energizer bunny on crack way of being there is no way I could do all of this.

Monday, April 7, 2008

guilt and random update

It seems like there isn’t a week that goes by lately where I don’t feel guilty to some degree. I apologize to W for seemingly being a complete ghost during the week and feel bad for Butters that I only see him for about 3 hours before he goes to bed at night. W constantly tells me that he understands and that I’m doing all I can, but I still feel bad. Lately I’ve working more 11 to 12 hour days getting to work at 4am just so I can get things done and still get home to see both of them around 1530. I try and tell myself that this is great that I put forth the effort to make time for both of them, but sometimes it just doesn’t seem like enough. I know that all of this comes from juggling work, school and now hockey with family, but I always seem to have that guilt. One of the things that keeps me going is know that with school I’ll be finished by the time Butters turns 3. At least this way I’ll be there for him later. Also part of the reason I have started playing hockey is so that I can skate with Butters when he starts termites when he turns 3.

On another random note the name Butters is very ironic now. He has contact allergies to acids from fruits but now he also has a contact allergy to butter. We don’t know if its to all dairy products, but this weekend while eating scrambled eggs cooked in butter and smearing them all over himself he broke out in blisters everywhere the eggs touched. So we gave him a bath and within 2 hours the blisters were all gone and he was fine. He never acted bothered by them. It’s just really strange.

In other news I love playing hockey. After my 3rd week of practice I am really starting to enjoy myself. This last practice we did full ice scrimmages and I really liked it. The main thing I am having problems with is puck handling. It looks so easy but my hand eye coordination just stinks! I am so excited to go to this tournament at the end of the month.

Also finals are coming up in both stats and flight testing so if I don’t update this thing regularly in the next few weeks that is the reason right there. My stats test is going to be comprehensive which scares me to death and my flight testing final is a presentation which also makes me a little nervous. Either way I have a lot of work to do in the next 2 weeks to get ready for these finals.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A year with HH2

I can't believe it but it’s already been a year since HH2 was born. There have been many sleepless nights but they have all been worth it. In the beginning braving the NICU every 4 hours to see him and in some cases to get peed on was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But looking at him today you can never tell that there was ever a problem. He has progressed by leaps and bounds that I never imagined. His vocabulary is growing week by week and he is slowly starting to pick up some signs. Of course he has his favorites. Favorite words seem to be mama and dada while the favorite sign is “all done”. He loves to watch a nascar race when ever there is one on TV and say uh-oh at just the right time. His new favorite character is elmo and he is still my little hockey fan through and through.

This also marks something big for me. I have officially completed my goal of nursing for a full year. Granted there have been plenty of times that I was ready to give up but thankfully I never did. After pumping for three months I was happy to go back to nursing while I was at home and just pumping at work and first thing in the morning. A lot of getting through it all was my support system from not only W but other moms in a local group that I met and the other part was just me being stubborn. I did not want him to ever have to need formula. So now here we are at a year and at this point I'm still going to let him nurse on demand for a while longer. I still say that I am going to do child led weaning but in all honesty I am going to take it just like I did nursing in the beginning which is just month by month, week by week or in some cases day by day. I think that's really the only fair way to do it for both of us right now.

This also marks the one year anniversary of W officially becoming a SAHD. I don't tell him enough how grateful I am that he agreed to this for us, but I truly am.

So here we are at a year and I can't believe the day is here. He's come so far from the sick baby boy that I first saw in the NICU whose first order of business when we came down to see him was to pee on W. Now he is a cruising and almost walking one year old little boy who has defiantly stole my heart from the day he was born!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

On the defensive again

So this week I have found myself once again defending my choices to the guys. Since I talked about playing hockey (which in hind sight was a bad idea) the comments have been comical but at the same time struck a chord with me somehow. I kept my cool as usual and just did my normal stewing away from them since its even worse to let them know something bothered you. Basically we were having our normal morning coffee and impromptu bs meeting and the guys asked if I was serious about playing hockey. I of course told them yes. They then said they just didn’t understand how I could do that and take time away from my family since I was already in grad school.

Now here’s what gets me. Both DA1 and DA2 go out once a week and have guys night. Neither one get home to see their kids go to bed, but yet feel its their right as men to be able to have a guys night and go drink once a week. My question is how is me playing hockey on Thursday nights after grad school any different?

Personally I need the mental and physical break from school and work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and spending time with them, but I need some sort of release. I used to work out quite a bit in the morning but since we have had so much over time that I haven’t been able to get over there. Martial arts as also a great stress relief but I haven’t been able to do that in a very long time. So now I start a new activity and stress relief. Already we have a tournament scheduled for the end of April. It should be a good trip just because my finals for ISE601 and MAE680 are the night before.

So tonight is my first practice with the team and we will just have to see how everything goes. With any luck things will go well and I won’t be too banged up tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Women in engineering

Once again I have no clue what possessed me to look this stuff up, but I guess I got curious. I’ve always known that women in engineering, much less mechanical and aerospace were few, but since I’ve worked with some of them they haven’t seemed as much of a rarity as the numbers say. So I looked at the 2004 census report and here are the numbers I came up with.

In 2004
For all engineering
23% female
77% male
*Not really surprising since I know that less than half of the engineers I work with are women*

Freshman undergraduate students enrolled at a 4 year accredited university
17.2% female
82.8% male
*I think at UAH this is a little higher.*

Number of women that held the engineering title 2004 at thier jobs
563- mechanical
149- aerospace
*Now this was the number that shocked me*

Percentage of women with husband not working 7.9%
*Oddly enough this wasn’t a shock.*

So there are the stats. In some respects I know they are old and that more women are getting into engineering but still the numbers seem low. I’ve been around this business for a couple of years now and I guess because I’m in a town with more where just about everyone you meet is an engineer of some kind.

Ok this ended up as a random mess of a blog. Hopefully my next one will make more sense.

Monday, March 17, 2008

more hockey stuff

So its official. I went from possibly playing women’s hockey yesterday to going to get fitted for equipment tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what happens with this. W has been very supportive and knows that I need some kind of outlet since I really don’t have one right now.Anyway hopefully either tomorrow or Wednesday I will get around to posting the blog that I have been working on for the past couple of days. I promise it has more to do with what this blog is about more than hockey stuff! But now I can officially now say that we are a hockey family. HH2 was born around a hockey season and will start termites when he is 3, W photographs hockey really well, and now I am going to play adult league.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Am I just crazy?

Just a thought. I might end up not only working, going to grad school and spending time with HH2 and W but also possibly playing adult league hockey. I guess I just don't have enough going on right now?

More thoughtful stuff to come later this week but for now I just had to get this random thought out there after buying hockey skates and starting to break them in this weekend.

Monday, March 10, 2008

How is it that I stay so busy yet feel so alone at times?

This thought came to me this morning as I saw another one of the mommy meetups I belong to schedule a meetup for the weekday. I’m not trying to complain or get sympathy because I do like what I do, but it just seems like there are times where I don’t think that most people get me. I feel like such the odd ball being the one who works, goes to school and still tries to spend time with my boys. I really wish that there were a group of other moms in the area that got together once a month on the weekends at a park or somewhere else that doesn’t cost money to get in. I guess I feel much like W does at times and just partially disconnected from the world. I spend so much time at work, then school and then at home that I really don’t have any other interaction with other moms. I really have very little interaction with other women except my stats professor. I have no clue why all of this really started, but here it is anyway.

random update

So it’s been about a week since I last posted and there of course has been drama. First my grandmother did pass early last Saturday morning. It was expected just still not easy to deal with. The funeral and viewing went well. HH2 did great the entire time and only got freaked out a little at the viewing and slept all through the funeral. It of course it’s ironic or sad (or both) that the only time everyone on that side of the family gets together is for a funeral. On the plus side I did get to see a lot of the back trails around the house that I never knew were there. Also the rest of the family finally got to meet HH2, but of course it was under less than ideal conditions.

So, in light of all that I missed one stats class and I am desperately trying to catch up. I am just about done with catching up on stats, and I still hate flight testing, I swear this professor has it out for me. Also in the midst of the funeral and everything I completely forgot to take a stats quiz which I am worried will kill my grade but so far my professor says not to worry about it too much and she would keep an eye on it with me. I’ve gone over all the lecture slides from last Tuesday but I still feel behind. Also with a flight testing exam coming up I’m of course worried. I know the guys at work will be asking me to work over this week and being the glutton for punishment that I am I’ll end up working it. So this should be a fun week, flight testing exam Thursday, stats homework due Thursday, plus around 18 hours of overtime. Yeah I’m going to be a zombie this week. I’m just thankful that W understands and doesn’t get too mad at me for being so strung out for weeks at a time.

Friday, February 29, 2008

More bad news

So if things weren’t just going down hill enough I found out yesterday that my undergraduate advisor died Tuesday. Granted I wasn’t fond of the man personally, but I have a lot of respect for him as a professor and researcher. RIP Dr. Hawk. The PRC won’t be the same without you.

I also got an email yesterday saying that my grandmother has between 24 hours and 4 days to live. So the next few days are going to be rough.

Yeah, I’m doing all I can to stay together and strong for everyone but I’m on the verge of breaking down.

Pumping at work

I guess this is a topic that I see almost everywhere on message boards and baby sites. I read on one such post that says one of the main reasons women give up breastfeeding all together are difficulties with pumping at work and not adequate places to do so. Granted I’m the kind of person that figures if I can somehow pull something off that isn’t that hard, so now having almost nursed for a year I got to thinking why was I able to do it when so many other women have problems.

For me pumping at work can be very interesting. The office I work in now and previously worked in didn’t have a closed off area other than the bathroom. So from the time I went back to work at 6 weeks I just started pumping in the handicap stall in the bathroom. So right now the way I do things is keep my 2 Medela Swing pumps and supplies in a small black bag under the sink in the bathroom. When I go in to pump I just grab the bag and sit on the floor and play on the DS while I pump. I’ve warned a few people in the office about it, but for the most part no one says anything to me while I’m pumping. I have had a few comments but nothing that didn’t make me laugh because of how absurd it sounded.

When I was at the cooperate office I was amazed at how nice it was. They actually had a “lactation room” that had a couch, magazines, wall outlets, a sink and small refrigerator. I wish we could get something like that at our office, but I’m not going to complain. Really I don’t mind the situation. Of course I wish I had somewhere more comfortable to sit and a couple of wall outlets to plug things up but other than that I don’t have any complaints.

So I guess the question that keeps coming to mind is why this has worked for me when so many other women have problems with it. I mean I had such an oversupply that we have a large stock pile in the deep freezer. I mean it was hard at first when I couldn’t get him to take me and all he would take was the bottle. It was hard at first making the time to go pump but after about a week things started to get easier with pumping at work and I just kind of fell into a routine that has worked to this day.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

February Hates us

So this month has shaped up to be bad. I had originally planned to make a long post about pumping at work but for now that will have to wait.

The first thing that most recently happened is HH5 spent her last weekend with us for who knows how long. Her money hungry mother has decided to move them to California to be with her new hubby. No one seems to think it will last too long but for the moment it is just bad. It’s taken a definite tole on W much more so than me. To say the least this past weekend was difficult for everyone involved.

Another thing came up Monday. I got an email from my mom telling me that my grandmother has about 2 weeks to live. She has refused all fluids and is clenching her mouth shut. They said that she could start wanting fluids again but it’s doubtful. Hospice says that its just part of the body shutting down. I haven’t seen her since before I was pregnant and even then she didn’t know who I was. She kept calling me Kay (her dead daughter). I’ve been told that right now she doesn’t know who anyone is. It might sound morbid but since hearing the news I am getting things squared away with work and school so incase I have to drop everything and get down to Montgomery it wont be a problem. So far everyone has been great about it. The main boss at work completely understood and my stats professor said that she would work with me to make sure I was caught up if I had to miss a class.

I also know that here soon its going to be just like my granddad’s funeral. Everyone visibly upset and yet I stand with a very solemn face not showing very much emotion. Its not that I don’t care or that I’m not hurt, I just have a hard time showing emotion in public situations. I always try and be the strong one, but when it’s just me and W, I completely break down. Also around the office and the situation I’m in its better not to show the guys that they bother you because then they just start pushing that button no matter what it is.

To add to all the pressure I am once again contemplating giving up on grad school. Never before starting my master’s was I so hard on myself about school. I made a 70 on my flight testing exam and granted its only 10% of my final grade I was mad that I studied so hard and then screwed up like that. Then on my stats exam I ended up making a 79.1. The only things I screwed up were the really simple problems with real numbers in them. Leave it to me to be able to do the complex integral stuff but yet screw up basic math.

So the phrase “when it rains it pours” has new meaning to me right now and hopefully things will start to turn around soon.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


You know those weeks where Murphy seems to be in charge and no one else. Yeah its one of those weeks at work, school and home. I have some thoughts coming regarding other matters but first I have to get through this insane week.

"You don’t want that for a snack”

I’ve never hidden that once a day I go and pump but most of the guys I work with just never realized it. I always figured they would be disgusted by it and just never bring it up, but I have mentioned that HH2 is not and will not be on formula. When I do pump and put it in the refrigerator it’s in a small gray draw string bag so that no one has to look at it and no one has ever asked what is in there until yesterday.

So yesterday I was about to leave to get ready for my stats test when on my way out I remembered that I didn’t grab the milk I pumped out of the small refrigerator in our area. As I was getting it one of the guys (DA2) said something to the effect of oh we were going to eat that while you were gone. To which another one of the guys (DA1) replied “Dude you don’t want that, trust me”. Suddenly he realized what was in there and the red color that DA2’s face turned was priceless. I rarely can disgust any of them and that certainly did it.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Introduction to the chaos

Just an introduction to me and the idea behind this blog.

I’m a 27 year old female engineer living in a town with more PhD’s per capita than anywhere else in the US. I work doing airframe modifications on military helicopters, but I’m also interested in getting into the loads analysis portion as well. I’m in a master’s program working on a Master’s of Science in Engineering in the field of rotorcraft systems engineering. At times I think the program is out to kill me, but that’s about normal. I take 2 classes a semester and will graduate in December of 2009 providing things stay on track. I am a huge college hockey fan and go to all of the UAH Charger’s home games am a tomboy at heart. I love to watch football, NASCAR and hockey. I also love college and pro football and will watch almost anyone that is on TV. In college I’m a loyal Bama fan and like any team that knocks off Tennessee for a game. Pro’s I follow the Titans, Seahawks and anyone that knocks off Payton Manning or the Patriots. I studied genbukan martial arts for 5 years and would love to get back into it, but at the right time where I’m not in school as well. I miss it a lot but want to be able to devote more time to it which is what it takes to be good.

Around February of last year when I was pregnant with our first child together I asked W at breakfast what he thought about becoming a stay at home dad. To be honest I never really thought it was odd, but more that I wasn’t fond of someone else raising our son. Also I was looking at the cost of daycare and at a minimum that was going to cost $125 a week. So after a couple of weeks of looking at finances and weighing all the options W and I decided when HH2 was born he would quit his part time job at Babies R Us to start a new job as a stay at home dad (SAHD). I honestly expected a lot of backlash from some parts of the family but surprisingly they were very supportive. The critics have come from people who don’t understand and are too narrow-minded to consider a family where many of the rolls are reversed.

A typical day for me generally starts really early. Around 3 or 3:30am early if that tells you anything. I get up and pump HH2 first bottle of the day and look at the news on the net. Lately I've been working very long days so I'm normally at work between 4 and 5. Depending on the day I work until between 2 and 4. Some days I leave and go to school at 2 and I’m there for between 2 and 6 hours and then on days I’m not in school I’m normally home by 4. I pump once during the day at work in the bathroom since there isn’t anywhere else to do it. When I get home though its all mommy time. HH2 or butters as W calls him wants nothing to do with daddy when I come home. He generally wants to nurse the minute I walk in the door and then its play time, dinner, bath/ play time, get ready for bed then nurse to sleep/ drowsy. Then starts time for studying and maybe catching a couple of tv shows, but more often than not its hitting the books. I normally try and get to bed between 9 and 9:30 just because I need the rest. To be honest W and I don’t get much time together since I’ve been so busy. I do what I can to make time but it’s just hard.

I do a lot of baby wearing when we are out since I come to dislike strollers in most social situations. I also have been nursing my son for almost 11 months now and have no intentions on stopping soon. I have adopted the philosophy of child led weaning but at the same time I intend of having limits.

The reason I wanted to start this blog was I found very few blogs from women who were working and nursing and trying to do it all while staying sane. Basically that is who I am. I am a working mom and graduate student trying to somehow balance work, school and family all at once and not lose my mind.

I’m not going to say that this thing will be updated more than once a week. I stay pretty busy so my goal is once a week or every two weeks. So anyway welcome to the life of a female engineer/ graduate student/ wife and mother.