NICU memories

The thoughts and memories of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at Huntsville Hospital for Women and Children never seem too far from my mind these days. I can still vividly remember where his small bed was on both the critical and progressive sides of the unit. The procedures that we went through just to be able to go to his bedside every time we went to see him are still vivid memories. I in great detail remember the care routine that became second nature every time we went to see him. I remember the shock and almost laughter when they told us we had to complete a checklist of baby care items and even do a car seat test. Then there was the shock of the neonatologist asking us the morning he was discharged if we were ready to take him home. The memories are pictures in my mind as well as from W’s camera that I will never forget.

I’m not saying all these things to be nostalgic about how Butters once looked so frail and now is the 35lb toddler that bulldozes everything and everyone in his path. I talk about this because in some ways I am mentally preparing for it become a reality again.

Since my doctor is already talking about this baby following in his/her brother’s footsteps in being big and possibly coming as early as 35 weeks or so hence the reason I feel that it’s best to not forget those things that happened with Butters. Sure I hope for the best. Of course I hope that we will have an uncomplicated birth and this one will be able to room in with us at the hospital then be discharged with me. But, there is a part of me that after Butter’s birth and sudden onset of breathing difficulties knows the routine and doesn’t want to forget it all just in case we see it all again. I don't want the surprise, shock and fear that all went along with his sudden admission to the NICU. I want to be prepared and remember what happened last time just incase it happens again. I am almost half way through my pregnancy and I have had these thoughts on and off since I found out. I guess I just want to be prepared for what I know could happen.

I don’t know what it is about me, but having been through the experience once before the more I know about the situation the more it bothers me. I know that what happens is out of my control and I try to keep that in mind, but it’s really hard. I’m just one of those people that want to be prepared for everything and this is no exception. I guess its an engineer thing. :0)