Respect or lack there of (vent)

One of the things that I deal with in my job and throughout my career as an engineer or in school is respect. During my undergraduate days it wasn’t a big deal. Around the time that I got to my upper level classes the guys I was in class with generally got the idea that the women left could cut it and basically gave us the respect we deserved. The same stands true for graduate school. I receive the amount of respect that I should and am very rarely talked down to in a class setting or talking to a professor

When I got my first engineering job I expected for there to be a lot of problems with the guys in the office and hanger but I was surprised at what I found. I was respected and seen as someone who knew what they were talking about. I got a little bit of resistance from guys when I went on trips but a few hours into it that faded and the problems were no longer an issue. In part I have to say that this was easier for me since the manager that I had was a woman and had in a way cleared the path. Granted we were complete opposite personalities but I think she did make it so that when I was starting out in the field it wasn’t as hard as it could have been.

At my current job it’s all different. Apparently I scare the guys I work with to a degree. When I initially got here things were fine. The boss I had at the time was great and I had no problems except for another woman in my group (but she has since left and that’s a whole other story). When this boss decided to leave the guys up north appointed one of the other guys in my group supervisor until someone else could be found. This is when things started getting bad. The comments about my eating started, the guys in my group started talking much worse. Things just snowballed very quickly. With in a few months of him leaving I found myself in a bad situation. The lack of respect that I got and continue to get when it comes to school and my knowledge of things would amaze you. I sit next to a guy who mainly complains about his older daughter. Calling her all kinds of names and even cussing her out on the phone right beside me is a little much. I also at least once a week get treated to a rather heated argument with his wife. The other guy that sits right on the other side of the cube wall from me has basically proclaimed that he has very little to do with his three kids and considers himself a sperm donor and the kids are his wife’s problem. This is the same guy that had the bravado to say that W must give Butters Benadryl sometimes so he will sleep and W can play video games!

I used to be able to overlook all this stuff, but after having Butters I could never imagine talking like his. Yes W and I have our disagreements but I try not to have them in the office and not bring it into the work place at all. I’m also not saying that Butters is always an angel and does no wrong. What I am saying is no madder how bad of a night I have with him or how much his 2 year old antics frustrate me I don’t talk bad about him at the office. Same goes for Mac when she’s around. I would never talk to others about how bad they are or what all they did wrong. That kind of stuff to me is meant to stay at home and not air out your “dirty laundry” at the office.

Also I want to make a distinction here. Talking to friends that have kids the same age about the interesting behaviors and quirks that are going on is completely different than talking about your kind in an entirely negative manner.

I’m not trying to sound feminist or anything about the respect issue but I get a little irritated when I hear the same things every week at work. I do my best to show these guys respect but at times it’s very hard when they show basically none to me in return. I guess I feel that inappropriate comments and complaining about your wife, kids, dogs ect should be kept out of the workplace to an extent and not voiced so loudly that everyone around can hear it. Also I really wish these guys would show a certain amount of respect in the work place towards myself and their own families in the way they talk about them.

12 weeks End of the first Trimester

So here I am 12 weeks pregnant. One of the big ultrasounds was this week and everything went great. W and Butters didn’t go to this one due to the really long weekend we had just completed. The wait was much longer than normal but when I was brought back I went through the normal round of 100 questions with the nurse about my medical history and various things. After that was the moment of truth. I was brought into the ultra sound room ready to see our little boy/girl. Thankfully he/she is doing great! I saw all 5 fingers and toes on each hand and foot. My OB took a look at the spine and profile and saw no gaps so everything looked great. The heartbeat was good and strong and the flow circulation of blood looked good. There was one tiny thing he noticed though. Just like Butters this one is already measuring big. As in about a week ahead! It’s not a big deal right now but its something to keep an eye on. He is going to monitor me more closely as far as the baby’s growth so that hopefully we can avoid what happened last time. But then again W just makes big kids so we will have to see. He just wants to try and avoid us all having to go through the NICU experience for the second time and we appreciate that! Once again he got a laugh out of my continued activity and we agreed that this week would be my last week playing hockey.

The only major symptoms I’ve had are nausea and exhaustion. I get pretty sick in the afternoon no madder what I do or eat so I’ve just come to accept that for now. I also have to eat a small snack about every 2 hours or so or the nausea gets much worse and I end up getting full blown sick. The lack of energy has been tough too. With 6 hours of grad classes and finals approaching I need some form of energy. Luckily I have found a way to make iced half caffeine coffee in the morning and that has helped tremendously in getting me up and moving in the morning (and afternoon some days).

This past week also marked my last week of being able to play hockey. I played my final scrimmage on Wednesday night. The women were split up with the men which made it really interesting. At the end of the game while the coach was making some announcements someone made the statement that I would be leaving the team until around December. Afterwards a lot of the guys were asking me why I was leaving and when I told them I was 11 weeks pregnant they were a little shocked. It was apparently quite surprising that I would play hockey all the way through my first trimester. I was really surprised that the guys were sad to see me go. I really enjoy skating with most of them and working the clock will be ok, but I am still really going to miss the physical activity of it all.

Now I just need to find something else to do to keep in shape besides running after Butters outside in the afternoon and on weekends.

This will also more than likely be my last post until after finals are over at the end of the month. Luckily in Uncertanty analysis there isn’t a final but my compressible aero exam is not going to be easy. In fact I expect it to easily be the hardest of the semester and want to be completely prepared.

One last thing I need thank Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing. Below are a couple of pictures I managed to get while out shopping last weekend. A question I get a lot is why I still wear Butters even at 2 years old. Last weekend was a perfect example. We were in a place he wasn't sure of at all and needed the reassurace. So wearing him in a place like that made him feel more comfortable. Also he didn't want to go to either my mom or sister that were with us. I tried to encourage him to walk but when I saw it wasn't working and he was about to have a tantrum I just put him back in the sling and wore him where we were going. We have a stroller but really don't use it too much just because the sling is so much easier to get on and off and keep him close. I plan on wearing him as much as I can until I just get too pregnant to continue.