I’ve talked about my job a little on here but I am just fed up. I like the company just not my group in the office. I get along with everyone but my group is just a bunch of jerks. I have found myself more and more pushed aside since we came back from new years and Christmas break. I applied for a job in another department but got an email stating that I wasn’t selected for an interview. WTF? So after talking to some people I found out that the company system didn’t have it showing that the group had work and therefore had to close the requisition. Then I found out last week that the other reason I am not moving at this moment is political of sorts. My boss at cooperate headquarters wants me to stay, but my local boss wants nothing to do with me. Gotta love it. So at the moment I am stuck. The guys I am currently around give me no respect what so ever and about once a week make snide comments about how useless my master’s degree is anyway. I’ve gotten to the point that I keep some sort of music on at all times so I don’t have to listen to what they are saying about how horrible their kids, wife, dog, ect are. I’ve found myself thrilled to get out of the office to go to school lately just to get away from them. The thing about the group I was hoping to transfer to is they respect me. Yes I have a ton of questions but I know how this stuff is installed, I know the aircraft, I know the software and they aren’t intimidated by it. I actually had one of the guys give me compliment last Friday that he thought I looked really good. It shocked me because my group ends up telling me I eat to much and that I’m going to get fat, and anything else they can think of at the time. I’ve even stopped going to breakfast on Friday’s because I just can’t deal with it anymore. I can’t deal with just getting one piece of French toast with skim milk and having them look at me like I eat too much while they stuff down an omelets, tater tots, and anything else they feel like that day.
Ok enough about work. School is keeping me really busy. Compressible Aerodynamics and Uncertanty analysis are a lot of work. Compressible though is the most work. Its not that its really hard it just takes so long to do. I've estimated the past 2 weeks I've spent almost 30 hours a week on all my homework combined. I do like both of the professors but its not going to be an easy semester.
So anyone who reads my husbands blog knows that we will be heading to Nashville in a couple of weeks to meet up with some other bloggers. I can not wait. This is actually the first little trip we have taken in a very long time that doesn't involve hockey. I am so excited!!!
Also this week has just been disturbing to me. I've been hearing more stories of babies and toddler being abused and it brings me to tears every time. I guess after hearing all of these things I just appreciate Butters more. I mean it all seems to go back to how I feel. I really try and not to be the weekend parent. I dont want Butters to ever think that I won't be there for him or don't have time for him during the week. I really feel that its important for me even at this age to be home in the afternoon and spend quality time with him at night so he does honestly understand that I am and will be there for him.I
I just had to get all this out so sorry if its just all really random.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Holiday's and Dumb ass guys at work
So I've been off work for almost 2 weeks now and I am going stir crazy. I love spending time with W and Butters but I can only be at home for so long before I feel the need to get back to academia or the office.
But the Friday before I left I went to breakfast at our normal place and was completely appalled at what I heard. This time the topic of conversation was how the guys I work with have so little involvement with their kids. For my sanity there is one guy who doesn't agree with all this and if it weren't for him some days I might loose my mind listing to all this. The guys were mainly talking about how they hate changing diapers. Granted I don’t know anyone who is thrilled about it, but it needs to be done and I don’t see why they don’t use that time to get to know their child better. One guy went as far as to say that he had 4 kids and changed all of 2 diapers. So where do I begin with how much I disagree with all this? First off I just feel like these guys would think so much differently if their child was taken away from them. I mean I see every day how much it tears W up that his daughter is 2000 miles away and he never gets to see her and only talk to her once or twice a week. How would they feel not getting to see their kids on their birthday or Christmas? What would they do then? I wonder how they would feel about never spending time with their kids then? It just makes me so mad!
Then there is the thing about not spending time with their kids.They are flat out proud that they are sperm donors and really don't take the initiative to do anything with their kids that their wife doesn't arrange for them. I take time all the time to do little things with Butters and Mac (when she’s here) to do little things. Because; in my mind just sitting on the floor and reading a book or making something can mean the world. It just shows that I do care about them and I am interested in what is going on with them and what they are trying to do. Like when I take Butters out for our little date night. Granted going to chik fil a and a play group or play ground might not like seem like much, but at least I am making an effort to get to know him better and show him that I do care.It all just made me really angry!!!!
So everyone is making new years resolutions. The last few years I haven't but this year instead of making resolutions I am going to list things I would like to accomplish with in the next year.
1. work out more- granted people that know me and read this are laughing to some degree. Right now my work outs have consisted of hockey once a week and running after Butters on our daily walks. I feel like its not enough. I would like to get back into the gym at 5am 2 days a week or so. I would also like to get on the wii fit more. Granted I weigh in around 125 now but I just like working out because I feel so much better about myself.
2. spend more quality time with W and Butters- since W got netfix on the 360 I think we can start making a date night every couple of weeks after Butters goes to bed. I also want to continue our walks and encourage his interest of hockey. My goal since he just got his skates is to take him to a public skate about every other month. He loves the ice and hockey and I want to encourage this love.
3.Give up soft drinks- granted I love the occasion Dr. Pepper and wiskey or rum, but other than that I would like to start drinking more crystal light (since I don't like drinking just water.)
I think that's about it for now. Its just things I want to improve on and I will work on.
But the Friday before I left I went to breakfast at our normal place and was completely appalled at what I heard. This time the topic of conversation was how the guys I work with have so little involvement with their kids. For my sanity there is one guy who doesn't agree with all this and if it weren't for him some days I might loose my mind listing to all this. The guys were mainly talking about how they hate changing diapers. Granted I don’t know anyone who is thrilled about it, but it needs to be done and I don’t see why they don’t use that time to get to know their child better. One guy went as far as to say that he had 4 kids and changed all of 2 diapers. So where do I begin with how much I disagree with all this? First off I just feel like these guys would think so much differently if their child was taken away from them. I mean I see every day how much it tears W up that his daughter is 2000 miles away and he never gets to see her and only talk to her once or twice a week. How would they feel not getting to see their kids on their birthday or Christmas? What would they do then? I wonder how they would feel about never spending time with their kids then? It just makes me so mad!
Then there is the thing about not spending time with their kids.They are flat out proud that they are sperm donors and really don't take the initiative to do anything with their kids that their wife doesn't arrange for them. I take time all the time to do little things with Butters and Mac (when she’s here) to do little things. Because; in my mind just sitting on the floor and reading a book or making something can mean the world. It just shows that I do care about them and I am interested in what is going on with them and what they are trying to do. Like when I take Butters out for our little date night. Granted going to chik fil a and a play group or play ground might not like seem like much, but at least I am making an effort to get to know him better and show him that I do care.It all just made me really angry!!!!
So everyone is making new years resolutions. The last few years I haven't but this year instead of making resolutions I am going to list things I would like to accomplish with in the next year.
1. work out more- granted people that know me and read this are laughing to some degree. Right now my work outs have consisted of hockey once a week and running after Butters on our daily walks. I feel like its not enough. I would like to get back into the gym at 5am 2 days a week or so. I would also like to get on the wii fit more. Granted I weigh in around 125 now but I just like working out because I feel so much better about myself.
2. spend more quality time with W and Butters- since W got netfix on the 360 I think we can start making a date night every couple of weeks after Butters goes to bed. I also want to continue our walks and encourage his interest of hockey. My goal since he just got his skates is to take him to a public skate about every other month. He loves the ice and hockey and I want to encourage this love.
3.Give up soft drinks- granted I love the occasion Dr. Pepper and wiskey or rum, but other than that I would like to start drinking more crystal light (since I don't like drinking just water.)
I think that's about it for now. Its just things I want to improve on and I will work on.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Spirit of Hope
First off let me say that I am still alive and well. Things the past few weeks have just been really busy with school, work, finals and the holiday's that I've had a hard time finding the time to sit and write anything. But this is something I had to get out by tonight. Its a subject that both W and I care a lot about.
There are certain events in a person’s life that change them in some way for the rest of their life. For me this was the birth of my son. My pregnancy was uncomplicated for the most part. Butters measured a little big the entire time but nothing to be alarmed at. I worked out constantly and to W’s dismay still climbed on top of Chinooks and Blackhawk’s until I was about 6 months pregnant. So when I went into labor on my own about a month early I wasn’t worried. We had a plan and I figured I would be like most and have him, spend a couple of days in the hospital then head home with my new little guy.
There are certain events in a person’s life that change them in some way for the rest of their life. For me this was the birth of my son. My pregnancy was uncomplicated for the most part. Butters measured a little big the entire time but nothing to be alarmed at. I worked out constantly and to W’s dismay still climbed on top of Chinooks and Blackhawk’s until I was about 6 months pregnant. So when I went into labor on my own about a month early I wasn’t worried. We had a plan and I figured I would be like most and have him, spend a couple of days in the hospital then head home with my new little guy.
Well things didn’t go according to plan. Butters was born after a very long labor and quickly whisked away to the NICU after I saw him for a very short time. Luckily W was allowed to carry him there. After this both of us were introduced to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or NICU. This was an area that both of us never thought we would ever see. But we did. We found out a couple of days later that he had what they termed “failure to thrive”. In this case it meant that his lungs just weren’t completely ready and he was breathing a little harder than they would like to see. Luckily it wasn’t an infection (like they initially thought) or anything really bad but something he just needed a little help with for until he could adjust. For a week W and I lived 4 hours at a time. We were there for all of his care times during the day and spent as much time as we could with him. We bathed him, got peed on and met many wonderful nurses and doctors in the unit. After only a week they were like an extended family. They were so happy in the day or so before getting to leave making sure that all the appropriate tests were done (car seat check ect.) and forms filled out. The day he was discharged we didn’t even know it until one of the neonatologist asked across the room where he was. He then asked if we were ready to take him home. We were thrilled yet unprepared. W hadn’t even installed the car seat base yet! So while he ran down to do that I stayed with Butters helping get him ready to go home. The nurses were wonderful. We went through the paperwork not as a chore but as friends wishing us well and trying to help with a checklist to make sure everything was taken care of. So we put him in his seat and one of the nurses wheeled him down with us. We were so excited! Once we got home we finally took off the hospital bracelets we had been wearing ever since his birth and put them away in a small memory box. We finally had our boy home after his rocky start and we couldn’t have been happier.
This memory in itself to this day scares me to death of having another one. I’m not scared of the pregnancy itself because for the most part I didn’t have any problems. I’m scared of the ending. While things worked out after the week in the NICU I’m just scared that it will all happen again. I don’t want to ever have my child taken from me minutes after birth to a place where I can’t be with him. I know that in ways my fear is completely irrational; but it’s just me. I know that I did everything right and what happened isn’t my fault but I still blame myself. I still somewhere inside feel like I could have done something to keep Butters, W and your sister from having to go through all of the worry and mess that came with it all.
So I sit here trying not to cry. I get all upset when I even think about it all. I say all this now because tomorrow night is the tree lighting at the hospital. Every year Butter’s gets an ornament where the proceeds go to the Melissa George Neonatal Foundation that helps to donate equipment to the NICU so that other babies get the care they need with out having to be transferred to elsewhere. We do this not only to benefit the others that will need care in the future but to show Butters how far he’s come and how important it is to give back even if it’s in a very small way.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
baby wearing contest I found out about
I just saw this contest and entered it. Yes I am a tool once again but from everything I've heard they are amazing. So I am entering it just because of the great things I've heard.
Win a Free Organic Embroidered Ergo Baby Carrier Hands Free System from Along for the Ride
Win a Free Organic Embroidered Ergo Baby Carrier Hands Free System from Along for the Ride
Friday, November 14, 2008
Graceful I am not
Anyone that remembers me from back in the day knows that I was voted most accident prone my senior year despite doing Ninpo Taijutsu for about 5 years. It was always the most odd thing. I would be incredibly graceful during classes at night yet I could trip over my own feet while just walking.
Well 2 nights ago this all came back.
We had our normal hockey practice on Wednesday night. It was a little tougher than normal since I was with the advanced group and the coaches were really pushing us hard. So after practice we were all wiped and ready to get cleaned off before heading to our local Applebees to grab a quick bite. After taking off all the big equipment I ran to the showers to turn them on early so they would be hot when we were ready. Well in my haste I neglected to see that there were a pair of skates in the way and proceded to hit toe next to the pinkie toe on the left foot pretty hard. At the time I thought nothing of it but by the time I got to the car I was in much more pain and decided to head home.
Upon arriving home W took one look and confirmed what I thought. I broke my toe. Yeah I feel stupid. So now I have a really sore toe, limping all over the place, and somehow need to be able to skate by tomorrow afternoon so that I can get on the ice for Skate with the Chargers with Butter and the oldest niece and nephew.
On top of all this I also fell in the shower Monday morning and have a large bruise on my shin to show for it and on Wednesday I ran into a chair at work and broke my badge. Yeah its been one of those weeks. Here's hoping I don't kill myself on the ice tomorrow!!
Well 2 nights ago this all came back.
We had our normal hockey practice on Wednesday night. It was a little tougher than normal since I was with the advanced group and the coaches were really pushing us hard. So after practice we were all wiped and ready to get cleaned off before heading to our local Applebees to grab a quick bite. After taking off all the big equipment I ran to the showers to turn them on early so they would be hot when we were ready. Well in my haste I neglected to see that there were a pair of skates in the way and proceded to hit toe next to the pinkie toe on the left foot pretty hard. At the time I thought nothing of it but by the time I got to the car I was in much more pain and decided to head home.
Upon arriving home W took one look and confirmed what I thought. I broke my toe. Yeah I feel stupid. So now I have a really sore toe, limping all over the place, and somehow need to be able to skate by tomorrow afternoon so that I can get on the ice for Skate with the Chargers with Butter and the oldest niece and nephew.
On top of all this I also fell in the shower Monday morning and have a large bruise on my shin to show for it and on Wednesday I ran into a chair at work and broke my badge. Yeah its been one of those weeks. Here's hoping I don't kill myself on the ice tomorrow!!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
6 Things
So while reading my husband's blog last week and he was tagged and did one of those "the six things you didn't know about me". So being the tool I am I decided to follow since I haven't managed to get my other posting done that I was going to put up.
1.I did Ninpo Taijutsu for 5 years.
Yes for 5 years of my teenage life I spent anywhere between 4 and 5 nights a week in the dojo. I got started partially because a guy I was dating at the time was about to go back and partially because i was bored playing softball. I got in the door and was hooked. I started in the kids class and the first week was pretty banged up due to my first experience in shinai (bamboo swords) fighting but I loved it. I started out slow but quickly progressed. During the time in the dojo I gained a lot of self confidence and the feeling that I could actually defend myself if needed. For a short time we even had a demo team and did demonstrations in the area of self defense techniques. It was so much fun and there are many times I do miss it a lot.
2. During my undergrad degree my grades sucked.
Yeah I was the typical person that barely studies in high school, managed to get good grades. I studied a little but didn't have good study habits by the time I moved to Huntsville. It really showed when I hit calculus and my harder mechanical and aerospace engineering classes. I finally figured it out around the beginning of my last year but by that time the GPA damage was done. Now that I am working on my master's I know what to do to study and what not to do. I actually have and have maintained a 3.0 GPA for 3 years now!
3. I can't cook except from a box.
Yes unlike my wonderful husband W over at gamingwithbaby.com I do not cook! My version of cooking is getting a frozen pizza or making some box mix. I honestly just don't have the patience to really learn. I do like to cook when I have the house to myself and a pretty detailed recipe, but other than that I would just prefer to do heat and eat stuff from the freezer. W loves it when I do try and cook one thing in particular; hash brown casserole.
4. I play hockey but do not play golf. Unless you count putt-putt. the game has never really appealed to me. I keep getting told that I need to start playing but have never had the interest. Maybe one day I'll get a bug and go learn to play. Hey maybe it will help be able to actually shoot the puck! I have never thought that hitting a little white ball then going to get it just to hit it again ever appealed to me. Putt putt was always just more fun.
5. I do have my exhibitionist tendencies.
Like my favorite mommy blogger “The Redneck Mommy” at times I do have my wild tendencies. W can attest to what happens when I have one or two drinks. Also as much as I loath my weight and body image there are times I don't mind it. When I was sitting in a hot tub in San Diego with 5 guys (one Canadian Air force pilot who of course played hockey) and two other women and while I didn't look the best in my bikini (reference the one W showed on his post a few weeks ago) at the same time I didn’t look horrible. For having the 25 lbs weight fluctuations before I got pregnant then the 30lbs I gained when I was pregnant it wasn’t too bad. So basically give me a couple of drinks and if the mood is right I’m damn near up for anything.
6. I have a irrational fear of dentist.
As a kid I have very bad memories of every single trip to the dentist. I remember very well having fillings done and not being numb correctly and it hurt pretty bad. When I would say something about it the dentist just said not to worry about it. So for years I just sucked up the pain and dealt with it. When I moved out of the house I slowly stopped going. Then after a botched root canal I didn’t go again for many years. Earlier this year I consulted a dentist and they quoted me something I just couldn’t afford. So after a filling falling out of a chipped tooth I finally found a dentist close to my place that I like. The bad thing is that due to the severity of it she recommended the tooth be removed and I have an implant put in its place. So next week I start the long process of getting my teeth finally fixed after many years.
So that’s about it for now. Right now W, Butters and I are gearing up for the home opener of UAH hockey vs UT. We are so glad that UAH hockey is about to kick off here. Its been far too long or so it seems!
1.I did Ninpo Taijutsu for 5 years.
Yes for 5 years of my teenage life I spent anywhere between 4 and 5 nights a week in the dojo. I got started partially because a guy I was dating at the time was about to go back and partially because i was bored playing softball. I got in the door and was hooked. I started in the kids class and the first week was pretty banged up due to my first experience in shinai (bamboo swords) fighting but I loved it. I started out slow but quickly progressed. During the time in the dojo I gained a lot of self confidence and the feeling that I could actually defend myself if needed. For a short time we even had a demo team and did demonstrations in the area of self defense techniques. It was so much fun and there are many times I do miss it a lot.
2. During my undergrad degree my grades sucked.
Yeah I was the typical person that barely studies in high school, managed to get good grades. I studied a little but didn't have good study habits by the time I moved to Huntsville. It really showed when I hit calculus and my harder mechanical and aerospace engineering classes. I finally figured it out around the beginning of my last year but by that time the GPA damage was done. Now that I am working on my master's I know what to do to study and what not to do. I actually have and have maintained a 3.0 GPA for 3 years now!
3. I can't cook except from a box.
Yes unlike my wonderful husband W over at gamingwithbaby.com I do not cook! My version of cooking is getting a frozen pizza or making some box mix. I honestly just don't have the patience to really learn. I do like to cook when I have the house to myself and a pretty detailed recipe, but other than that I would just prefer to do heat and eat stuff from the freezer. W loves it when I do try and cook one thing in particular; hash brown casserole.
4. I play hockey but do not play golf. Unless you count putt-putt. the game has never really appealed to me. I keep getting told that I need to start playing but have never had the interest. Maybe one day I'll get a bug and go learn to play. Hey maybe it will help be able to actually shoot the puck! I have never thought that hitting a little white ball then going to get it just to hit it again ever appealed to me. Putt putt was always just more fun.
5. I do have my exhibitionist tendencies.
Like my favorite mommy blogger “The Redneck Mommy” at times I do have my wild tendencies. W can attest to what happens when I have one or two drinks. Also as much as I loath my weight and body image there are times I don't mind it. When I was sitting in a hot tub in San Diego with 5 guys (one Canadian Air force pilot who of course played hockey) and two other women and while I didn't look the best in my bikini (reference the one W showed on his post a few weeks ago) at the same time I didn’t look horrible. For having the 25 lbs weight fluctuations before I got pregnant then the 30lbs I gained when I was pregnant it wasn’t too bad. So basically give me a couple of drinks and if the mood is right I’m damn near up for anything.
6. I have a irrational fear of dentist.
As a kid I have very bad memories of every single trip to the dentist. I remember very well having fillings done and not being numb correctly and it hurt pretty bad. When I would say something about it the dentist just said not to worry about it. So for years I just sucked up the pain and dealt with it. When I moved out of the house I slowly stopped going. Then after a botched root canal I didn’t go again for many years. Earlier this year I consulted a dentist and they quoted me something I just couldn’t afford. So after a filling falling out of a chipped tooth I finally found a dentist close to my place that I like. The bad thing is that due to the severity of it she recommended the tooth be removed and I have an implant put in its place. So next week I start the long process of getting my teeth finally fixed after many years.
So that’s about it for now. Right now W, Butters and I are gearing up for the home opener of UAH hockey vs UT. We are so glad that UAH hockey is about to kick off here. Its been far too long or so it seems!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Date Night
As most people know date night takes on a whole new meaning when kids get introduced into the equation. W and I are lucky some times just to go out by ourselves once every few months.
Now to me date night has a new meaning as well. Now about once a month Butters and I have a “date” night of sorts. This normally doesn’t involve too much and isn’t expensive. Luckily a local mom and baby store in town A Nurturing Moment does monthly meet ups for all members of the family. Since W doesn’t really like to go to these things it’s a perfect time for just Butters and I to just go and do fun stuff. These meetings are either on Saturday mornings or Thursday evenings. Thursday nights are at 6pm and this is perfect for us. Generally I get home around 3 and change clothes then pack up the car and Butters and I go to a large play ground for about an hour or so. Then it’s off to grab dinner. Lately Chik-Fil-A is the place of choice due to not being too expensive but also not horrible health wise either. After a dinner of chicken nuggets, fruit and milk we head over to the store. Normally there are other little ones there as well so while I get to talk to other moms Butters gets to see other little people and play with the toys in the area. This goes on for about an hour then its time to go home. Since his bed time is normally around 7pm he is pretty tired and getting cranky after a very full afternoon. The Saturday meetings are similar but instead of Chick-Fil-A we go to a local bagel place and have mommy/son breakfast then head to the meeting and the park.
As much as I love date nights with W just watching hockey or the occasional movie, the nights with Butters are just as good in ways I never expected.
Now to me date night has a new meaning as well. Now about once a month Butters and I have a “date” night of sorts. This normally doesn’t involve too much and isn’t expensive. Luckily a local mom and baby store in town A Nurturing Moment does monthly meet ups for all members of the family. Since W doesn’t really like to go to these things it’s a perfect time for just Butters and I to just go and do fun stuff. These meetings are either on Saturday mornings or Thursday evenings. Thursday nights are at 6pm and this is perfect for us. Generally I get home around 3 and change clothes then pack up the car and Butters and I go to a large play ground for about an hour or so. Then it’s off to grab dinner. Lately Chik-Fil-A is the place of choice due to not being too expensive but also not horrible health wise either. After a dinner of chicken nuggets, fruit and milk we head over to the store. Normally there are other little ones there as well so while I get to talk to other moms Butters gets to see other little people and play with the toys in the area. This goes on for about an hour then its time to go home. Since his bed time is normally around 7pm he is pretty tired and getting cranky after a very full afternoon. The Saturday meetings are similar but instead of Chick-Fil-A we go to a local bagel place and have mommy/son breakfast then head to the meeting and the park.
As much as I love date nights with W just watching hockey or the occasional movie, the nights with Butters are just as good in ways I never expected.
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